Planting a Mustard Seed

Millett Field by Stoonn

Stoonn @freedigitalphotos.net

I came across Holley Gerth one lonely day while looking for a Christian blogging community… That faithful day I  stumbled across (in)courage (and I HIGHLY recommend the community!) and connected immediately with the words on my computer screen and the way in which Holley writes, like I am sitting in the room with her, just as a friend would do over a cup of coffee.  Reading what she writes is always inspiring, short little blurbs to kick-start my day or bring enjoyment to my lunch-hour.  So when Holley announced her Do What You Can Plan in conjunction with my previous writing, I was on board!

See… I have a problem.  I like to dream but have a hard time actually setting goals or putting the words on paper because dreaming is enjoyable, but having to be held accountable…? That’s like another job!  See, if I never write it down, or commit it to God, then I’m not really letting anyone down when I don’t accomplish it, or follow through with best laid plans.

So I’m starting on this journey and what I’m learning is so simple it’s one of those shoulld’ve-known-it wished-I’d-thought-of-it things.

God doesn’t care about the size of our dreams.

Did you catch that?  Nope… he’s not concerned it the least.  All he cares about it our heart and the process. Holley actually gave me permission to be less-lofty with my goals to accomplish not only my goal, but experience God in the process. See… God tells us multiple times that all we need is faith as small as a mustard seed to accomplish great things. So tonight, I am planting my mustard seed and sharing my most important {God Sized} Dream.

……I want to love better.

Yes, it sounds simple, but I struggle.  I feel like if I can get this one down, so many other things in my life can be accomplished.  If I love better, I will be able to feel more at peace when people don’t treat me the way I’d like or love me the way I wish they would.  I would be a better wife and hopefully my husband will love me deeper. Oh sure, there’s others I’d like to work on (such as getting the youth group involved in some community projects, starting that Bible study for the 8th graders at church, working on my business and making 2013 the year we reach some of our goals, working out, etc.), and others I have written in my journal and am working towards, but this one I feel the most pressing matter to share with others and to work towards.  If I can get this one down small step by small step, I will grow closer to God, become more accepting of others, be willing to take more risks with greater rewards and lose the fear of life.  I really feel that if I can love, so many of the other dreams can be reached… when I focus on loving others I’m sure God will give me the energy, but my Fear is rejection, pain, hurt…

How about you?  What’s your {God-Sized} Dream?

Dream God-sized Dreams

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This entry was posted on January 8, 2013. 3 Comments

Great Expectations

Road Sign to the New Year

photo by FramAngel

My inbox has become full of mails, postings, sales and other items reminding me of the New Year. As many reflect on what “was” 2012, I am looking forward to 2013. Ah, yes, the Fiscal Cliff is looming, as no negotiations have been made and for sure it will affect my part of society most.  It’s not that I don’t have anything to reflect on from 2012 (many positive things happened and many changes were brought to my household) it’s just that as I look forward to the horizon, I realize that I am not one that has written down “goals” in the past.

Yes, I am guilty of the New Year’s Resolutions.  As a kid, I felt I always had to have them or somehow the new year wouldn’t come.  It’s not that things don’t inspire me; the reality is that I’m not a person who has written down goals and things like that.  I walk into each day with a to-do list and an agenda for what to get accomplished, when to get it accomplished, etc.  I operate off of calendars so I don’t have a problem with reminders.  The problem has been again, fear of failure.  If I shared or posted and somehow didn’t reach my goals, I haven’t wanted to feel like a failure.  I don’t want to set unrealistic goals, but I haven’t wanted to not succeed either.  However, true success, growth and development come out of setting goals.So here are some of my goals for 2013:

  • Make a conscious effort to pray more DAILY.  This means praying specifically for things and also praising God through the good times.
  • I will write in my journal more – good times and bad, not just the bad
  • I will blog more by making notes when things occur to me and again not let fear dictate my actions.
  • I will grow my Blessings Unlimited business.  I started it in February of 2012 and have had great success with God’s help, so only great things can happen in 2013!  This means praying over my business, creating a vision, sitting down and setting goals and finding an accountability partner.
  • Love well, which means loving more, as inspired by Blake Stanley one of the pastors at my church, Mountain Lake Church.

I’m sure this list will grow as I reflect more about changes I’d like to see in myself.  Overall, I just want to be a better me, conquer more fear, be a better woman, friend and wife, and have success in 2013 as defined by God.

What are your new year reflections?

Dear Teenage Self

Dear MeLast week I read Dawn Camp’s letter to herself and Holly Gerth’s letter this weekend and found inspiration to write my own.  Maybe you should write a letter to your teenage self too!  If you do, be sure to link up with Emily or read others’ letters at her site which are sure to make you laugh, cry and reflect. Be sure to check out her new book, Grateful, released earlier this month. It is a great gift for younger girls and something my teenage self wishes she could have read.

————–

Dear teenage self,

Savor every moment because time does fly. Make the most of your friendships and make deep/meaningful connections with people. Most importantly, don’t take yourself so seriously and take time out for service projects, like spending summers as a camp counselor… you’ll always wish you had and the time spent making money for college didn’t help much – the debt is still there and it’s manageable not suffocating like you were brought up to believe. Listen to your heart more instead of your parents and allow God to direct your feet.  When people tell you that you are different, ask them what they see, instead of brushing it off thinking everyone is the same.

Don’t date the “same boy” but enjoy being with friends more and dating more than one boy – you’ll always wonder what it would’ve been like going to your senior prom with a different date.  You are far prettier than you ever gave yourself credit for and no one saw all those zits anyway, except for those that were more insecure than you.

Spend more time getting to know your sister and less time making fun of her – although you think it is “fun” she is at a very fragile point right now.  You will never grasp the fullness of her love until you are older, so much so that the thought of losing her makes your heart ache.  As you get older you’ll realize that no one compares to her and that the reason you are able to love so much has to do with your relationship with her.  You believe in yourself and your own independence because of how she has laid the path for you.  She is seemingly different and you will always wish you would’ve stood up for her more and been willing to fight for others to have seen her side of the situation(s).

Push yourself to do things and don’t back down. Don’t tell yourself you don’t have a strong witness and really learn how to love others and defend them to those who don’t understand. Read your Bible more and learn as much as you can about your grandmother’s recipes because nothing will ever beat her exceptional southern home cookin’. And while we talk about your grandmother, be sure you tell her you love her and learn as much as you can from her.  She will be gone in a few shorts years, and you will wish you knew more about her as an adult and woman of faith.  Once you are married, you will wonder who she was as a wife and want to share her soft-spirit.

Although there are no “regrets” as they’ve made you who you are today, you will look back and sometimes wish you could have spent more time in the moments you’re living now (with no homework of course!). And although you never planned and dreamt about your wedding growing up, it was a very special day.  Always stay true to yourself and don’t try to fight to not become someone you never were in the first place.  Don’t ever stop dreaming and pushing to become a better person, because that’s where you will find God in your friendships and in yourself.  Be the best person you can be for today and don’t have regrets about yesterday or already be thinking about tomorrow.

I have a blog

I started a blog… it’s true.  I “started” it nearly five months ago. Five months and the only post was the familiar “Hello World!” from WordPress.

Today I am blowing the dust off…

When I was in college, I blogged tons (which is miraculously still in cyber sphere, although it hasn’t been updated since 2008). Funny how I just now thought to search for it but for years it was what I did, therapy that got me through college.  Wow… to remember where I was four years ago, realizing I was dealing with the “should I date him” question who turned out to be my husband.  It is good to look back, to read, and to see how we grow.  Somehow though, as an adult I find it more difficult to write about things.

Sure, I’d like to say that it’s because I am so “busy” that I have things to do, but writing it therapeutic.  It’s nice to look back and see where you once were and how far you’ve come.  To see what you struggled with and how you pulled through, how you changed or how you grew because of circumstances.  Somehow though, this time is different.  Is it because I’m an adult, I realize the finality of words?  I don’t believe so.

This time it’s because I feel vulnerable.

You see, any time before, I’ve blogged my raw emotions, sharing with only friends and expressing my thoughts and opinions, always recognizing not everyone shares the same opinions.  This time however, I realize how I am consciously opening myself up, with an intent to challenge myself and share my raw feelings.  I’m doing it for more than just myself, for my personal release and ways for friends to keep in touch.  This time, I feel a calling to challenge myself, my faith and to be transparent.  To share all my hurdles, my triumphs, peaks and valleys.

Yes, I’ve had a blog for five months, but today begins the journey.  I will no longer be controlled by fear.  I don’t know many answers, I am hoping this will help to keep me accountable.  There will be joys and sorrows, same as life.  This time however, I will share my faith and my voice will be heard.  Many large and great things are on the horizon for me and my family.  Would you like the share the journey with me?